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JOKE THREAD: Post all your jokes here!

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    JOKE THREAD: Post all your jokes here!

    A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Man Utd. were all in Saudi Arabia,
    sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of
    a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.
    The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for
    the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were
    sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very
    good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to
    life imprisonment.

    By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial
    finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released
    after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for
    their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday
    today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your
    whipping."

    The Arsenal fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought
    about this for a while and then said: Please tie a pillow to my back." This
    was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went
    through. The Arsenal fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with
    pain when the punishment was done.

    The Man Utd. fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can), and after
    watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please
    fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes
    before the whip went through again.

    The Liverpool fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but
    before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are
    from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best and
    most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

    "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Liverpool fan
    replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
    not 20, but 100 lashes."

    "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
    very brave. "The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100
    lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it
    to be?" the Sheik asks.

    "Please tie the Man Utd. fan to my back." :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    #2
    That was mine! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Comment


      #3
      'I would not be bothered if we lost every gamelong as we won the
      league.' - Mark Viduka (Leeds)
      :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

      Comment


        #4
        'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday
        when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had
        scored in the first minute at Birmingham.
        My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered
        he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi (Leicester)

        Comment


          #5
          .................. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

          Comment


            #6
            Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa...

            Bwahahhahahahaahhaaaaaaaa...
            :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
            Great jokes!

            Comment


              #7
              I remember this deep thought :

              "We scored at least a goal in each game we won."

              but unfortunately, I forgot who is the author.

              Comment


                #8
                :lol: :lol:

                Comment


                  #9
                  Three guys are standing in front of the Great Chinese Wall. One is on LSD, one is on amphetamine and one is stoned with grass. They're wondering how to get to the other side. The guy on amphetamine says: "Oh ****, **** let's destroy it !!". The guy on LSD says: "Oh, no let's get invisible and we'll just go through the wall". And the guy on grass says: "Let's go for something to eat"
                  Thanks, Peter !
                  Originally posted by DonJuanKieputo
                  Im eating today chocclate like ****

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Commenting on the team bad form, Joao Pinto (former right back and fcporto captain, not the forward who played in portuguese national team til 3 years ago):
                    " We are at the edge of a cliff, so we need to react and ake a step forward"

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Pradesh
                      Commenting on the team bad form, Joao Pinto (former right back and fcporto captain, not the forward who played in portuguese national team til 3 years ago):
                      " We are at the edge of a cliff, so we need to react and ake a step forward"
                      I guess it's an urban legend, cause the same is said about Polish communist prime minister Gomulka.

                      He also was to say: "Before the war we had nothing. Now we have twice more"
                      Thanks, Peter !
                      Originally posted by DonJuanKieputo
                      Im eating today chocclate like ****

                      Comment


                        #12
                        The opening post is HILARIOUS, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha :lol:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
                          Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
                          demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in
                          Mysterious ways.
                          After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.
                          That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
                          nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
                          should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of
                          our days".
                          Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this
                          must be a sign from God!"
                          The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car
                          is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
                          God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
                          Then she hands the bottle to the man.
                          The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the
                          bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle
                          and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
                          The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
                          The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
                          ************************************************** ********************
                          :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Liverpool - Everton JOKE 1

                            It's the Carling cup final and Everton are in it playing Liverpool. An Evertonian walks into a bar with a dog and the bar man says "Oh no, no animals aloud" and the Evertonian replys "Please mate he'll be good, we only want to watch the match!" So the bar man says "Ok but one bit of nonsence and your out!"
                            It's 2-0 to Liverpool and theres 30 seconds left, Big Duncan gets the ball and shoots 9 yards out and he scores! The final whistle has blown and Everton are runners up! The dog all of a sudden jumps onto the bar, stands up on its hind legs and gives everyone high fives! The bar man says "Thats amazing!!! Whats he do if Everton WIN a trophy!?" The evertonian replys "I have no idea I've only had him 14 years..."


                            Liverpool - Everton JOKE 2

                            Rafa Benitez and David Moyes done an interview for Radio City recently.

                            Both managers were asked what their aim for the new season was.

                            Moyes- "At Everton we want to avoid relegation"

                            Benitez- "We want to win the premiership, fa cup, league cup and the champions league."

                            Interviewer- "Rafa don't you think that's a bit far fetched"

                            Rafa- "David started it!"


                            Man Utd joke


                            Man utd have just opened a new fan hotline to allow fans discuss all things united. the number is 0800 10 10 10. i repeat it is 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Satyr
                              A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
                              Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
                              demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in
                              Mysterious ways.
                              After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.
                              That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
                              nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
                              should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of
                              our days".
                              Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this
                              must be a sign from God!"
                              The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car
                              is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
                              God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
                              Then she hands the bottle to the man.
                              The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the
                              bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle
                              and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
                              The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
                              The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
                              ************************************************** ********************
                              :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
                              I hear this one in two other versions: about protestant and catholic pope and about Rangers and Celtic fans
                              Thanks, Peter !
                              Originally posted by DonJuanKieputo
                              Im eating today chocclate like ****

                              Comment

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