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Old 12-12-05, 14:17   #61
George_Hanson
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This one is a classic:


"The quiz in the American TV for the best priest. The catholic preist and the preacher from Australia qualified. They are going head to head and they got the last question:

- please write a poem with a word "Timbouktu"

The catholic writes:

-I was a father all my life,
had no childen, had no wife
I read the Bible through and through,
on my way to Timbouktu...

The preacher writes:

When Tim and I to Bisbane went
we met three ladies cheap to rent,
they were three and us was two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two...
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Originally Posted by DonJuanKieputo View Post
Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 12-12-05, 14:21   #62
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A Swede walks by a Norwegian who f*ks a sheep from behind that's stuck with its head in a fence. Want to try this too he asks :?: Sure, says the Swede and puts his head in the fence.
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Old 12-12-05, 14:25   #63
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for me this is classic...


Man coming at home see his wife and says...

Wow I took main reward in Lotto ... but he see that his wife is sad...

Honey what is going on ???we are rich!!!!

Oh now... You don;t know... Mother-in-law died...

... and he says ... WOOOOW accumulation!
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Old 12-12-05, 14:28   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by George_Hanson
This one is a classic:


"The quiz in the American TV for the best priest. The catholic preist and the preacher from Australia qualified. They are going head to head and they got the last question:

- please write a poem with a word "Timbouktu"

The catholic writes:

-I was a father all my life,
had no childen, had no wife
I read the Bible through and through,
on my way to Timbouktu...

The preacher writes:

When Tim and I to Bisbane went
we met three ladies cheap to rent,
they were three and us was two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two...
enormous :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Old 12-12-05, 14:30   #65
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A guy comes to a lady and asks:

- Are they your children? They are probably twins....
- No, one is 12 years old and the other is 7. Why did you think thay could be twins?
- Oh, I just couldn;t imagine how could somebody fukc you twice...
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Quote:
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 12-12-05, 14:32   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DSK121
for me this is classic...


Man coming at home see his wife and says...

Wow I took main reward in Lotto ... but he see that his wife is sad...

Honey what is going on ???we are rich!!!!

Oh now... You don;t know... Mother-in-law died...

... and he says ... WOOOOW accumulation!
in the same theme -
The same guy comes home late at night, drunk and pushes his sleeping wife - get up, i won from the lottery, geeeet up...
the wife sleepy - ok,ok we will celebrate tomorrow, let me sleep now
- who is talking about celebration?!? get up and pack your baaaags :lol:
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Old 12-12-05, 14:34   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Palini
A young woman arrives at the doctor for a physical.
She takes of her top and the doctor discovers, that she has a big "A" all over the chest.
- That's because of my boyfriend. He's a big Arsenal fan and he has a t-shirt with a big "A" on it. He never takes it off, not even when we are... You know. So, there's usually an imprint.

The next day another young woman arrives at the doctor's office. She takes of her top, and the doctor notice that she got a big "T" on her chest.
- That's because of my boyfriend. He's a big Tottenham fan and he has a t-shirt with a big "T" on it. He never takes it off, not even when we are... You know. So, there's usually an imprint.

On the third day, another young woman arrives. She takes of her top and she got a big "M" all over her chest, and the doctor that now start to realise what is going says:
-Ah, I see that you got a boyfriend that cheers for Manchester United.
-No way! But I got a girlfriend that is a big fan of Watford...
69
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Old 12-12-05, 14:35   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superdeki13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Palini
A young woman arrives at the doctor for a physical.
She takes of her top and the doctor discovers, that she has a big "A" all over the chest.
- That's because of my boyfriend. He's a big Arsenal fan and he has a t-shirt with a big "A" on it. He never takes it off, not even when we are... You know. So, there's usually an imprint.

The next day another young woman arrives at the doctor's office. She takes of her top, and the doctor notice that she got a big "T" on her chest.
- That's because of my boyfriend. He's a big Tottenham fan and he has a t-shirt with a big "T" on it. He never takes it off, not even when we are... You know. So, there's usually an imprint.

On the third day, another young woman arrives. She takes of her top and she got a big "M" all over her chest, and the doctor that now start to realise what is going says:
-Ah, I see that you got a boyfriend that cheers for Manchester United.
-No way! But I got a girlfriend that is a big fan of Watford...
69
nooooooooo :?: :!: :lol:
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Old 12-12-05, 14:36   #69
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Sisters Venus and Serena Williams talk:

- you know, our father probably pours some sterides to our food
- how do you know ?
- I got hair in the places where I shouldn't have...
- where exactly?
- on my balls.
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Quote:
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 12-12-05, 14:47   #70
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The guy comes to the lady in the pub and asks:

- Hey, pretty, you want some magic?

She's interested:

- Hmm, magic you say. What does it mean?
- You know, we're going to my place, I fcuk you and then you disappear...
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 12-12-05, 17:07   #71
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AhaAHahAAhaHahhAa .. Last couple of jokes really good ones! :wink:
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Old 12-12-05, 21:45   #72
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Sry Kamei24 have to use you in this joke because you were the last who replied.


Three liliputers( midgets/small people) sit at a bar one is talking proudly about a certifiacte/prize he got from Guiness Book of records for having the smallest feet.

One of the other two midgets gets enthausiast and says "i have never achieved anything in life i would want to get a prize aswell" he had very tiny small hands so he asked the adress from the office from the Guiness Book of records and goes there.

After 1 hour he comes back and also has a prize and will be in the book aswell.He is all cheering and bragging with the other one who got a prize aswell so the third one is left behind a bit so he says " i have a very small penis/dick i will go aswell i havent won anything in live so i might give it ago.

After about an hour he comes back in the bar totally unhappy and in tears when the other two asked what happened was the office allready closed or something the third midget could only say " Who the f u ck is Kamei24 !!!
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Old 12-12-05, 21:58   #73
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Hey, do you know what's the difference between a whore and a musquito?

Answer: If you slap those two, the whore( bitch) will keep on sucking... :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Old 12-12-05, 23:51   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superstar Leo
Sry Kamei24 have to use you in this joke because you were the last who replied.


Three liliputers( midgets/small people) sit at a bar one is talking proudly about a certifiacte/prize he got from Guiness Book of records for having the smallest feet.

One of the other two midgets gets enthausiast and says "i have never achieved anything in life i would want to get a prize aswell" he had very tiny small hands so he asked the adress from the office from the Guiness Book of records and goes there.

After 1 hour he comes back and also has a prize and will be in the book aswell.He is all cheering and bragging with the other one who got a prize aswell so the third one is left behind a bit so he says " i have a very small penis/dick i will go aswell i havent won anything in live so i might give it ago.

After about an hour he comes back in the bar totally unhappy and in tears when the other two asked what happened was the office allready closed or something the third midget could only say " Who the f u ck is Kamei24 !!!
Actually I think you put my name on purpose.. :wink: Bastard.. :P And I'm giant, especially between midgets, beeing 204cm tall.. :wink:
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Old 14-12-05, 11:52   #75
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A man and a woman are divorcing. They are arguing on court who should get the child.
The Judge:Lady, why do you think that you should get the child?
Lady: Well, Your Honor I was carrying it for nine months I was looking after it when it was born I am the mother I absolutuely deserved it.
The Judge: What about you, Mister? What do you think?
Mister: Your honor, when you put a coin in to the coffee machine and when the coffee gets out, whose coffee is it? The Machine's or the one who put the coin inside?
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Old 19-12-05, 16:40   #76
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It's not a joke, it's rather an anegdote. Today I was reading the anegdotes (is it a proper word ?) concerning famous people and I found one with a dedication to BA:

"What a strange satyr you have painted" - one lady told Jacek Malczewski, a famous polish painter. "You probably have never seen a satyr in your life".
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Quote:
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 19-12-05, 16:42   #77
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And that's great:

Someone has asked Christopher Lichtenberg, the German scientist: "What is the difference between the time and the eternity" ? He replied: "I have the time to explain, but it would take the eternity for you to undestand that"
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 20-12-05, 08:05   #78
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Speaking about anecdotes, here is the few involving the great Irish writer George Bernard Show:

The diplomat and writer Clare Boothe Luce once had occasion to meet George Bernard Shaw, the inspiration for much of her dramatic work. "If there wasnít you," she gushed, "I wouldn't be here." Shaw replied: "And now, remind me dear child, what was your mother's name?"


One day George Bernard Shaw received a telegram from an actress intent on appearing in one of his plays: "Iím crazy to play Saint Joan," it read. Shaw promptly replied: "I quite agree."

Arnold Bennett, visiting George Bernard Shaw's apartment one day, expressed surprise - in light of the playwright's love of plants - at the absence of vegetation within his home.
"I thought," he remarked, "that you like flowers." "I do," Shaw replied, "and I like children too, but I don't chop their heads off, and stand them in pots around the house.Ē

George Bernard Shaw once received a calling card from a certain woman well known for her aggresive cultivation of celebrity friendships. "Lady X will be at home on Tuesday between four and six o'clock." Shaw promptly returned the card with a small note: "Mr. Bernard Shaw too."

While attending a musical party one day, George Bernard Shaw was asked by his hostess: "What do you think of the violinist?" "He reminds me of Paderewski," Shaw remarked. "But Paderewski is not a violinist," the woman replied. "Obviously neither is this gentleman.", said Shaw.

At one party Bernard Shaw had harsh arguing with one older lady about feminism. The lady was furious: "Mister, if I was your wife, I'd put poison in your drink." Writer replied: "Lady, if I was your husband, I would take that drink."
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Old 20-12-05, 13:35   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arttex
At one party Bernard Shaw had harsh arguing with one older lady about feminism. The lady was furious: "Mister, if I was your wife, I'd put poison in your drink." Writer replied: "Lady, if I was your husband, I would take that drink."
Interesting, I've read the same story about Churchill.
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Old 20-12-05, 13:39   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xponat
Quote:
Originally Posted by arttex
At one party Bernard Shaw had harsh arguing with one older lady about feminism. The lady was furious: "Mister, if I was your wife, I'd put poison in your drink." Writer replied: "Lady, if I was your husband, I would take that drink."
Interesting, I've read the same story about Churchill.
"Mr. Churchill. You are drunk" - a lady in the British Parliament said to the Prime Minster. "I know, and you are ugly and I'll be sober tomorrow" - replied Churchill
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Im eating today chocclate like ****
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Old 29-12-05, 16:48   #81
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Petar Vasilev (sport commentator) aka "The ****" (the bird) on Bayern M - Man U final at Barcelona 1999:

The announcer on the stadium doesn't know the second name of Mehmet Scholl as he said only Mehmet.
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Old 29-12-05, 19:08   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jay_gordon
Petar Vasilev (sport commentator) aka "The ****" (the bird) on Bayern M - Man U final at Barcelona 1999:

The announcer on the stadium doesn't know the second name of Mehmet Scholl as he said only Mehmet.
And where's the funny part?
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Old 29-12-05, 19:12   #83
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xponat
Quote:
Originally Posted by jay_gordon
Petar Vasilev (sport commentator) aka "The ****" (the bird) on Bayern M - Man U final at Barcelona 1999:

The announcer on the stadium doesn't know the second name of Mehmet Scholl as he said only Mehmet.
And where's the funny part?
Nevermind, dude...hope you can figure it out... :roll:
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Old 29-12-05, 22:03   #84
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who is the only one that can kill Spiderman?
Slipperman :lol:
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Old 29-12-05, 22:18   #85
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two woman chating on the phone and suddenly the first -
oh, good, i'll have to spread my legs again, my husband is comming home with a bunch of flowers...
Why, don't you have VASES at home??? :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Old 29-12-05, 22:33   #86
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I also like very much sharp and spirited mind as Bernard Shaw had.
This anecdote is so famous but maybe someone havent heard yet.

"George Bernard Shaw once found himself at a dinner party, seated beside an attractive woman. "Madam," he asked, "would you go to bed with me for a thousand pounds?" The woman blushed and rather indignantly shook her head.

"For ten thousand pounds?" he asked. "No. I would not." "Then how about fifty thousand pounds?" he contined.

The colossal sum gave the woman pause, and after further reflection, she coyly replied: "Perhaps." "And if I were to offer you five pounds?" Shaw asked.

"Mr. Shaw!" the woman exclaimed. "What do you take me for!" "We have already established what you are," Shaw calmly replied. "Now we are merely haggling over the price."
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Old 29-12-05, 22:45   #87
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what do u call mixed feelings? -
to see your mother in law falling from the 19th floor on ur brand new Mercedes benz :?


Two blond girls talking in the Airport, while looking at a plane:
How the hell people highjack airplanes, they're so big??? 8O
You're so stupid, when they fly away, they become so small... :lol:

The same girls talking separated from a river:
Darling, how could i come on the other side?
But dear, you are on the other side :roll: :idea:

A punk walking in a park with only one shoe meet a friend who asks him:
Lost it?
No found it...

Little Red hat is sitting next to a three in the forest and crying.
The wolf passing by sees her and asks:
What's going on little Red hat, why are u crying?
I don't know what's happening, i'm bleeding down there..
Let me check...well, i don't know much about these things but i can clearly see that someone has cut off ur balls 8O :lol: :lol: :lol:

The same story but Red hat isn't crying but sitting naked in the forest while the wolf passing by and he says -
Little Red hat, something very bad could happen to you staying like that in the forest...
But that's exactly what i'm waiting for...
and the wolf broke her leg 8O 8O :lol:
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Old 30-12-05, 10:36   #88
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What does a blonde say after sex?
"So, are all you guys on the same team?"
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Old 30-12-05, 10:38   #89
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Undertaker says to the grieving husband, "Should we bury her, embalm her, or cremate her?" The husband says, "Why take chances? Do all three."
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Old 07-01-06, 06:42   #90
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...10473912337648


http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...83132207&q=bsb

A MUST SEE!

:lol: :lol:

YAO MING FANS SINGING
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